Hello (and I love you and get your shit together) from the Other Side
I could hear the lump in her throat through the phone. Whatever load she was carrying was one I couldn’t fathom, and certainly one I would never want to experience myself.
It started out like any other reading for me, a woman randomly reaching out for a phone reading. I knew nothing about her, but as soon as the phone call began, I could feel the weight on her shoulders. I could feel the tragedy she was wrapped up in, the absolute emotional devastation that this woman felt.
But I could also feel something else: someone pushing against me to communicate with her. When a spirit wants to come through to a person I’m working with, it’s like the pressure has changed around me. It’s very similar to how your ears pop when you travel up or down a hill quickly in a car or plane, when you’re changing elevation; it’s not exactly like it, but very similar. Some people have this pressure around them more than others, just as some people have more spirits that protectively cling to them out of love than other people do.
This woman had that pressure around her and I could immediately feel it through the phone call. The first part of her short reading with me was all about the swamp of devastation she was wrapped in, and the last few moments of the reading were all about the person she lost. During most of my readings, I ask my clients to let me interpret the energies and spirits around them, before they give me any insight into the situation they’re in -- I like getting the interpretation of the runes and Tarot cards I use, as well as my own intuition, before diving into their issue. This particular call came to a close soon after her lost loved one came to light.
As soon as she talked about the man she lost, the love of her life and the father of her children, I could feel him. That pressure that I was feeling, it was him. It felt chaotic, though, like he died from something violent, and something that took his breath away. I could tell he was a smoker, and the weight on his chest was intense.
As soon as I told her this, she quietly told me that he hung himself, in the park of her city. That’s why I had the sensation of violence and asphyxiation. She didn’t know why, and as one can imagine, was having a terrible time moving on. Hence, the reason she called me...and it was a shame that it all didn’t come to light until the end of the reading. I was able to touch base with him, but it was distant, and tinny. It’s hard to explain, but whenever I connect with people who have taken their own lives, it feels very chaotic and tinny, almost like the sensation one gets when they bite down on tinfoil.
However tinny and chaotic it felt, I was able to tell her that he was sorry, that he was with her as much as he could be wherever he was at that moment, and ultimately, she knew why he did it. It was a combination of undiagnosed and untreated mental illness, combined with a bad case of alcoholism. In the end, he removed himself from this world because he felt it was better off without him.
And like that, she was gone. I’m not your typical psychic, in the way that I recommend people make repeat appointments with me in two weeks, two months, etc. so I just remind people that I’m here whenever they need them. When I said goodbye to this woman, I said goodbye to her for what could be the first time, or the last time. I never know with some people, and I never expect anything, either.
A couple months later, she reached out to me again for a reading, a longer one at this point. This time, instead of a phone call, she was able to get a tablet and was able to video chat with me. The connection wasn’t great, but it was enough. When I video chat with most people, it’s face-to-face, but not this time: for this session, she kept the camera pointed to the ceiling, or at her chin. Her voice was the same meek and mild one it had been a couple months prior.
Having connected with her love, it was easier to do it this time. Spirits can be more finicky than humans, and they all have different strengths and abilities to communicate, just like humans. While there was a chance he wouldn’t come back through to me, he did...and this time it wasn’t so tinny, or chaotic. This time it was clearer, and much stronger.
I just didn’t know at that point how much stronger he was going to be.
The session was wonderful, and beautiful. He came through to me with so many things about their brief time together. They were both loners, both rebels, both on the fringes of society. It was almost like a modern version of Romeo & Juliet, but no matter how tragic their story was, one thing was for certain: he was with her now, and their children, and he loved them all.
During the reading, he sent me a very clear image: she, sitting on a bench or some sort of wall near the ocean. She had her knees drawn up to her chest and a black hoodie sweatshirt - too big for her - drawn down around her legs, wrapping her in warmth. Her hair was in a ponytail, her head was turned, and she was looking off into the ocean, and there were buildings, maybe condos in the background. She was smoking a cigarette (something she and he often did together) and in that moment she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
I relayed this imagery to her and, through tears, told me that was the moment he proposed to her.
How beautiful of a moment this was to share with these two.
By default, part of what I do as a psychic medium is to have empathy, both for the people I’m reading and the spirits around them. During this session I could feel this woman’s pain: the fact that she lost the love of her life, and as a result after that, both sadly her home and her two sons. It wasn’t until the middle of this session did I find out she was homeless, and the fact wasn’t lost on me that she chose to spend what little money she had on a session with me to reach her love.
Honored and humbled can’t begin to describe how I feel when I’m in this role.
When I gave this reading to this woman, this was the last reading I had for that day. It ended as well as it could - yes, he was still around her, watching her, and he loved and apologized to her. With that, I finished the second of my readings with her, and I closed up shop and headed home.
After I’m done with a reading like this, it’s normally easy for me to disconnect from spirits, as well as to have spirits disconnect from me. After this session, though, something strange happened.
He didn’t want to leave. And he didn’t want to stop talking to his love.
It takes me about 20 minutes or so to get home from my studio, but as soon as I came to a park, I had to do something I normally don’t do. I’m usually very good about keeping boundaries around my sessions, but this fellow was so strong, he didn’t care about any of that.
He was having a conversation with his love, and it didn’t matter to him that I was done...he wasn’t.
I immediately had to pull up this woman on my cell phone and start chatting with her again. The tone of the conversation changed a bit...he was coming through with more love and apologies, but this time there was something different in the message: a reprimand.
See, she was homeless, and through extenuating circumstances, lost her two sons to the custody of the state. Obviously her grieving process wasn’t over, but it was certainly pulling her down. And while he loved her, he wanted the message to be that she shouldn’t be getting pulled down...but rather, she should be getting lifted up. Easier said than done, especially in this situation, but he wasn’t mincing words. He had a message to get across.
Basically, in his not so soft language: she should get her shit together.
Since his death, he watched how everything around her dissolved. He didn’t understand what would happen to those he loved when he was gone, the cloud he lived under was too large and dark, he couldn’t see past it. But as hindsight is 20/20 - especially from the Other Side - he could see how and why she was unraveling so quickly.
And he wanted that to change.
He didn’t want her to dissolve into grief every day. He didn’t want to see her be heartbroken by his loss, or by the temporary loss of their children. He told me she was a nurse, and he wanted her to get her nurse’s license back. He wanted her to find a home. He wanted her to get their children back.
He wanted her to have the family now that he couldn’t give her then.
And while I’m normally very strict around boundaries of sessions, I couldn’t not bring this message through. He wouldn’t let me...or at least he wouldn’t quit pestering me. I’m a romantic at heart, so I couldn’t refuse his request. Most spirits are happy with the time spent speaking with loved ones, but he wasn’t...he wanted more time with her and he wasn’t afraid to ask for it.
As with all my readings, this experience touched me beyond words. That I could be part of such a special connection, however briefly, is something I will never take for granted, nor will I ever fail to see the magic and wonder in it.
For those of you who have lost loved ones, please know: they are still around you, and their love for you is, as well. As you grieve, remember them...but also remember that they wouldn’t want to see you brokenhearted, and wracked with grief. They would want to see you be the happiest and healthiest you could potentially be. The spirits around - more so than anyone or anything, really - will understand grief, and they would want you to have it.
They just wouldn’t want it to define you forever.
Remember them, and love them...and more importantly, live for them. And if you can improve your life, if you have the ability to make things better for yourself, and your loved ones…
Please, get your shit together.